The Power of Journaling and Self-Care Tools
A message of the power of journaling and self-care tools
Orchestrating the right tool kit for you in your time of trauma and grief is important for traveling this journey in a healthy way. I have found journaling to be an essential tool for me to bridge the physical void of my Charlie. It has become a way I communicate with him every day. Since his loss, the daily message and tone have changed, but I remain consistent and strong on the love I have for him. For some, it may be too hard to find words, and that is okay. Start with how there are no words to express how you feel and go from there. You may not even be able to grasp what you are feeling, let alone communicate it in a way that makes sense to your child in heaven or in the biggest battle of their lives, in the NICU, but jotting just a few words may provide some relief. Journaling is not for everyone, but there are a variety of self-care tools that help guide you through trauma and grief.
It may not always feel like taking care of yourself is a priority in times of trauma and grief but without self-care your ability to take on challenges ahead of you is weakened. Everyone is different and you should know that you are not alone and that you should never feel guilty about taking care of yourself.
Sources of effective self-care tools
Whether you are still in the NICU, expecting a CDH or other medically complex baby or grappling with the most profound loss of your life, there is always the need for self-care. Dragging yourself down mentally and/or physically will only put heavier burdens on you. Take it from me, I was very guilty of not wanting to or having the ambition to mentally and physically provide myself the self-love and support my mind and body truly needed. My version of self-care is taking care of the people around me to the best of my ability. I feel a deepened sense of self-worth when I can make someone else happy. That being said, I needed to learn that my mind and body have gone through battles that many, if not most, would not be able to withstand. I may be battered, and my body may physically be showing signs of wear and tear, but I know that taking care of myself and others will only help me navigate this journey.
There are many tools, tips and resources that can be used to help alleviate some of the burden this circumstance has undoubtedly caused.
Music
Journaling
Art
Self-Compassion
Kindness Day/Random Act of Kindness
Athletics
Therapy
Spa Day/Treatments
Never feel guilty for taking time out of your day to grab a cup of coffee with a friend or go for a massage or spa treatment. If you must release some rage because you are mad at God or this world, go to the gym, axe throwing or for a run. Anger can be a strong motivator to get moving. I started using a punching bag when I was in the trenches of grief, and it helped to just go and punch it a few times a day. If you want to get out of the house, join a kick boxing or a self-defense class. On those days where you just don't feel capable of going out and showing your face and being active, take the time to self-reflect and be aware of your present situation, both mentally and physically. Box breathing has become a method for me to relieve some of my anxiety and depression. On those days you decide to stay in, practicing some of the gentler self-care methods, such as box breathing or listening to music could be a good fit for you.
Your location can have a big impact on the availability of these resources but know that the biggest hurdle will be taking the first step to improving your self-care. In more rural areas, a drive in the country can be the quiet time you need in order to digest your current circumstances. Taking the strength to accept that nothing you did caused this and that your baby would not want the rest of your life to be about what couldn't be, is an important step in taking care of yourself. Your baby only knew how much love you had for them no matter how limited your time with them was. You did what was best for them even if it felt wrong at the time. Understanding and believing this is a huge step to your improved mental health and going further in your self-care journey. If you don't have the right state of mind, you won't be receptive to any help you need. Recognizing that you cannot do this alone is the most important first step.
Soothing Hearts Program
Through Charlie Polizzi’s Warrior of the Angels, our Soothing Hearts Program provides a small token of comfort to parents who have experienced the heartbreaking loss of their infant at Albany Medical Center. While no gift can take away the pain of losing a child, we hope these care packages remind families that they are not alone and that their babies are remembered.
Each Soothing Hearts package includes a beautiful journal to provide parents with a private space to write, reflect, and process their grief, along with gift cards to local restaurants and coffee shops and additional resources designed to offer support during the difficult days and weeks following their loss.
Our hope is to continue growing this program and expand it to other regional hospitals that care for families affected by Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) and infant loss. By expanding our reach, we can provide comfort and resources to more families navigating one of the most difficult experiences imaginable.
Interested in supporting the Soothing Hearts Program or becoming a sponsor? We would love to hear from you.
Please contact Kristin Polizzi at Kristin@CharlieWarriorAngel.org to learn more about the program or discuss sponsorship opportunities.
Frequently Asked Questions about Self-Care
How do I know if the self-care activity I choose is right for me?
This is a complicated question that has no real answer that I could rightfully provide. This, just like grief, is not a one size fits all concept. If the activities you are choosing are providing a glimmer of light in your journey it might be the right fit for you. Many times, this won't be a simple transition but rather a gradual slope upwards to a lighter, brighter tomorrow. You will never leave the memory of your baby behind but rather be able to carry them with you everywhere you go without a crippling pain. Instead, fill that void with pride, and strength to live the life that they would want their Mommy to live.
Not having your child here will always hurt, and some days are harder than others, but being able to carry those days with a softer burden will make for a healthier you and a happy angel baby in heaven. Know your limits, and don't let taking a few steps back, halt your forward motion to the new you. You are worth it. You are loved. You are strong even when you feel weak. Take one stride at a time and eventually you will see the progress you have made and will be proud of what you have accomplished through your love and pain.
A Final Note
Self-care following such a profound loss can be difficult to navigate because there is never a one-size-fits-all process. Everyone grieves differently, and every day can bring its own array of emotions and challenges. As you travel through the ebbs and flows of grief, these needs will change, and over time, you will develop coping strategies that work best for you.
Having a supportive system of family and friends is an important part of creating a healthy collection of coping strategies and allowing yourself to enhance your self-care. Sometimes self-care may mean taking time for yourself, talking with someone you trust, writing in a journal, or simply allowing yourself to rest. Other days, it may be as simple as getting through the day—and that is okay, too.
There is no right way to grieve, and there is no timeline for healing. Be patient with yourself and give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions come your way. Taking care of yourself does not mean that you are moving on or leaving your baby behind. Your love for your baby will always remain, and caring for yourself is part of learning how to carry that love and grief with you.
You do not have to have it all figured out. Take it one day at a time, give yourself grace, and remember that you deserve the same compassion and care that you so freely give to others.
Emotional Support and Community Resources
The journey through loss and grief is never easy, but no one should walk it alone.
Charlie Polizzi's Warrior of the Angels Foundation is dedicated to raising awareness, supporting families, and funding research. At Charlie Polizzi's Warrior of the Angels, families can find resources, education, and a community that understands the heartbreak and the hope of CDH.
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